Week 15+: A Never told Story

One part of the second ultrasound story that we left out originally was that one of the first questions the ultrasound tech asks of course is, do you want to know the gender if I can tell? This question of course just makes me irritated as that is the last thing I care about – I’m obviously here for other concerns. So I replied we know but why don’t you confirm it. So after she scans the baby she gets down to the private areas and replies I’m pretty sure it’s a Boy. Both my husband and I reply “Uh that is not what we were told from the genetic test.” This was immediately concerning. Did they give us the right test results? I hadn’t seen them myself I only relied on the nurses words. Was there something else going on that we needed to be concerned about? So as soon as the doctor came in the ultrasound tech explained what was going on in regard to the gender. She of course was curious herself and after checking everything else out also said she was pretty sure it was a boy. I was a wreck. Was this true? Was the test wrong? Did we get the wrong results? Obviously I was more concerned about the overall health but this just throw an entire new spin to the trials and tribulations we were having. Luckily the ultrasound techs really knew what she saw and had called the genetic counselor and get a copy of the results. She must have been able to retrieve the info while the doctor was in the room with us. As soon as the doctor left the room and we gathered our things she went to call the genetic counselor and get a copy of the results too. We were walking over to the elevator and the ultrasound tech and doctor came out looking for us. We gathered in the doctor’s private office while she called the genetic counselor that was at her secondary location on this particular day (of course). The genetic counselor proceeded to say that yes she was looking at the results and it clearly said male.  I had requested her email me a copy of possible as I was in shock and couldn’t believe it! Were we really told 5 weeks ago that the gender was one thing and today told it they nurse who called me was absolutely wrong? This was insane. Good thing we hadn’t told anyone else. And how can a nurse who is reporting very important information read the results wrong?! I mean it’s not like it was a percentage. It said either female or male!

Once I got the test results sent to my email and I could see them for myself I felt better but was still in shock. Was this real life? And I was glad that the gender was the only test result that the nurse messed up! Gosh if that was test had shown anything else like it did last time what would she have reported then? Good thing I decided not to think about it too much but I know the genetic counselor took it upon herself to make sure the practice knew the mistake that was made.  (Did I mention she is awesome?) 

Week 20: The BIG one!

After travel for thanksgiving and some work travel it was time for the big ultrasound. I wasn't super nervous until right before we got into the car for our appointment. I think I knew if all went well at this appointment we would start telling friends and family about our secret. Up until this point our parents and siblings knew along with a few close friends and that was it. To me telling people made me feel scared and nervous. I didn't want people to ask a bunch of questions specifically the ones that revolve around how are you feeling? Are you excited? Etc. I didn't want to feel like I had to lie in my responses but I also didn't feel like I could truthful as someone responding they were excited yet super apprehensive was the normal response. Yes, I was super happy to be pregnant but no I did not like my growing belly (in fact I did everything I could to hide it), everything about this process was not beautiful to me, and no nothing was close to being rainbows and butterflies. But as long as everything went well the plan was to tell our grandparents before Christmas and then announce via social media on Christmas morning that we were expecting.

Luckily I had a friend who felt that being pregnant wasn't all that glamorous. She didn't love nor hate it but it was more of an inconvenience and an out of routine progress. I couldn't have agreed more. I was uncomfortable in my own skin and I knew I was only half way - it was only going to get worse. 

After the events of the last appointment I repeated the same line when the ultrasound tech asked if we wanted to know the gender. "We know; why don't you confirm?" The ultrasound tech scanned the baby and then the doctor arrived. She wanted to do her own ultrasound navigation and of course we cooperated and let her do her thing. Again she was happy to see nothing of concern and again was happy to even see the baby swallow (which is its own pee - my husband gets a kick out of that. Poor babies no wonder they loves the boobs so much once they're born. They only get to eat flavored amniotic fluid and pee for the first 9 months of their gestational life).

After the ultrasound we had to go check in with my ob/gyns office since I hadn't been there in a month. I think we waited longer than we were there as the doctor of few words was who we saw. Everything was fine and I scheduled my next appointment in 4 weeks. Now was the time to start preparing our announcement. 

Week 17/18

For Thanksgiving we went to Florida with my family. The event was pretty uneventful which was good compared to the last time we were there. I was pretty happy to be in nice weather but wow pregnancy makes it so much harder to run or workout in the heat. Luckily the weather was pretty mild most of the time but we still got some good time out on the new family boat. Which I’m pretty sure was bought for the growing family my parents have realized is coming quickly in the form of grandchildren. 

This trip I got to experience round ligament pain for the first time. That was just annoying more than anything. I also experienced movement for the first time. I felt it while we were on the boat. The baby either enjoyed the ride or wasn’t having it and wanted to let me know.

I was happily not showing quite yet at this point. I was able to rock the bikini with no one noticing except me of course that I had started a little tiny bump. In fact, my husband said unless anyone knew what I had looked like prior to getting pregnant the first or the second time they would have thought this was my normal body shape. Which was quite the compliment especially since I worked my butt off to lose as much weight as possible following my termination. I gained a quick 20 pounds in those short 16ish week from the beginning of fertility treatments to the termination. I was happy when I was able to lost about 8 pounds over the course of two months before we started to try again and now I had not yet gained more than a pound or so which for me and my self-conscious body image was a huge success which I contributed to exercising from day 1 and to eating healthier this time around even if it included some chocolate and french fries here and there! 

Week 15+

Ever since the appointment with the maternal and fetal medicine doctor I was debating as to whether I would actually go through with an amino if everything checked out okay on the ultrasound. The risk with getting an amnio done was relatively small (1 in 400) but I knew that I couldn’t live myself if we had a perfectly healthy baby and something from the amnio caused issues. My husband and I chatted about it and decided we would wait and see what the ultrasound showed before we made the hard decision.

Upon arrival we told the ultrasound tech we weren’t sure we were going to actually go through with the amnio although it was clear that all the equipment was sterile and ready for us if we decided to get it performed. The ultrasound tech looked around at the baby and didn’t see anything that was of a concern. She went to get the high risk doctor and she also took a look around. We knew we could trust her judgment and when she showed us five fingers on each hand and a face profile that appeared normal we felt very much better. She was also able to see the blood move in and out of the heart chambers which she said was surprisingly this early. She contributed it to the fact that I was thin which of course was a nice compliment.

We decided to forego the amino at point in time. We would be back for a 20 week ultrasound at the high risk center on a day when she was on duty there so we could see her as well. 

Week 14

Between my doctor’s office and the genetic counselor I was able to get an ultrasound at the high risk department and a consultation follow up with the maternal and fetal medicine doctor who we love. Obviously we knew at 14 weeks there wouldn’t be a whole lot for the ultrasound tech to see that might indicate a soft marker of any issues but we needed some reassurance. 

After the ultrasound, which did not show anything of concern, we met with the doctor and talked about options moving forward for testing. We also chatted about our emotional health and how we were more or less “robbed” of that first pregnancy that was all rainbows and butterflies.  Although she has never experienced any type of situation like this herself she’s obviously been around a lot of women who have being a high risk doctor. It was very nice to be able to talk to a doctor about real life thoughts and feelings versus just medical procedures.
 We decided that an appointment with an ultrasound and amnio at just a few days after turning 15 weeks would be the best choice moving forward. The amino would be the only thing that would give me a piece of mind about the health of the baby.

Week 12

I got to meet the newest Doctor of the practice. I'm glad I took my laptop with me for this one as I sat in the patient room for quite some time waiting. I went into this appointment not knowing whether I'd need to explain my pregnancy history or if the doctor would do her own research before walking in. 

Well I think the reason I waited so long was because she was reading my chart. She seems to have known everything about my history and wishes moving forward with ultrasounds and whatnot. I was very impressed. We also chatted about what to do from here on out. She told me I wouldn't need anything until the glucose test. I of course asked about her opinion on working out. Come to find out her husband does CrossFit (and has since 2009!) and she worked out the day before she delivered her kids. This was exactly what I needed to hear. I had hope for the rest of the pregnancy and I was happy to add her to my list of good doctors after this appointment.

Week 10

Week 10

We had our first appointment with my ob/gyn’s office at 10 weeks. We had an ultrasound performed as well as the blood draw for the genetic test. I went into this appointment hoping for the best but expecting the worst in regard to reviewing my medical history and the fact that I was newly pregnant and most women are over the moon at this point in time.  However, the appointment was with my favorite ob/gyn that I had seen last time around. She was actually the one who was able to refer me to check out the clinic that I ended up going to.  She was very understanding of the situation that we were in and didn’t the “relax, it’ll be okay” aura. She also helped us set up an ultrasound with consultation with the maternal and fetal medicine doctor we had seen last time. We planned to see her and get an early level 2 ultrasound at 14 weeks.

After the doctor was done it was time for the blood draw. Of course it took for-ev-er to get completed. For some reason my blood wasn’t coming out very fast the nurse ended up having to stick me twice to get enough blood. My poor husband was told to leave the room to make sure he didn’t watch the procedure. Once he came back in he was curious what had happened and what took so long.

The results came back a few days later and as requested the nurse who drew the blood called me. As soon as I saw the number come through on caller ID I knew who it was calling. I happened to be at work and just leaving the bathroom so I took the call. The nurse said she had the results and that they came back negative for all three trisomy’s. At this point my heart was pounding but I was very relieved. She then asked if I wanted to know the gender. I of course replied, yes. My husband and I had decided we wanted to know the gender no matter what although we weren’t sure if we were going to tell anyone else.

That was the best news I had ever heard but of course my mind started wondering about the reliability of the test. I immediately texted my husband letting him know I got the test results and to call as soon as he could. After we chatted I shot off an email to the genetic counselor that we had worked with last time regarding the reliability of the Progenity Verifi genetic test.

Luckily, she replied rather quickly with some statistics that helped me breathe a bit:

“Based on your ~1% risk for recurrence of any trisomy given your pregnancy history, as well as the sensitivity (detection rate) and specificity (false positive rate) of Verifi, the negative predictive value (the chance that a screen negative is a true negative) of a "screen negative" Verifi result is as follows:

Down syndrome / Trisomy 21: 99.99%

Trisomy 18: 99.97%

Trisomy 13: 99.87%”

Let's get it Started!

As I begin to write this post the song “Let’s get it Started” popped into my head. That is exactly what this next step on our journey feels like, getting started in the voyage of starting a family. As I wrote before we had a follow up appointment with my reproductive endocrinologist (RE) doctor regarding this recommendations moving forward. Here’s a bit of too much info but my body had indeed did what it’s supposed to do about 5 weeks following my termination. Now we had no idea if all of the necessary things happened during that cycle it was promising that something was way different than in the beginning of the year.

My RE recommended I get a blood test done to help determine what my body was doing. Those results came back and they were less than stellar but the test did indicate something that had changed in the last few months changed the chemistry of my body. I think it is due to the increased body weight but it could be a combination of things. Either way we were in a similar but very similar situation again.

After talking about the next steps with the doctor at our first meeting we knew we wanted to go for the more aggressive approach vs. the alternative. I know some will say “it’ll happen when it happens; don’t be in a rush” or might have the opinion that the treatment we went through were the root cause of the situation we were in we did not agree. We were going to be moving forward with the most aggressive approach under similar treatment as we did just a few months ago.

Surprisingly, I was graced with the presence of Aunt Flo about 30 days following the most recent visit! I had no signs of her until the actual day. I almost think the acupuncture session I did the day immediately before might have had something to do with it but who knows. So this meant that I was due for a ultrasound prior to day 3 to check everything out before treatment would begin.

Day 3 came and our treatment protocol began. I surprised myself and easily gave myself each nightly injection even being able to rotate sides with no issues. I also was able to eliminate one step from my routine. I no longer needed an ice cube to numb the injection area. This was a huge victory in my mind and after each injection I felt a surge of accomplishment!

At the first follow up meeting I learned that this cycle was going to be VERY different than the one prior in February. I had two follicles growing on each of my ovaries. Last time there was only every one follicle. Each follicle was rather small so more injections were prescribed.

At the next follow up appointment I learned this was potentially going to be a long cycle of stimulating. The follicles were starting to mature on the right side only with one at 15mm and two at 10mm. This was exciting as it meant we might have three chances of getting pregnant this month. There were also two small follicles on the left but weren’t growing rapidly. The doctor decided to increase the dosage in hopes that my body would react a little quicker and get my follicles to mature size for ovulation.

After three more day of injections (11 days total), I went back again. Once again the follicles were growing very slowly. The two on the right were 16 and 14mm, respectively. And the two on the left were under 10mm. The two on the right were going to the chances we had for this month. We now had to get them to grow to mature size which is around 20-25mm each. Once again the doctor prescribed more stimulation for the next two days.

At this point I had used way more medicine that I had in February. This cycle was turning into a very expensive treatment but we had to remember we did have two chances so that was the positive we were holding onto although I felt very discouraged. In fact I got so worked up and worried about it I made myself another ultrasound the next day to make sure something wasn’t wrong. Everything was fine but I did learn the follicles were now at 19 and 21mm, which was reassuring.

At my next regularly scheduled appointment the following day, I only saw the doctor as opposed to the nurse who typically did the ultrasound and the doctor who basically did the question answering and medicine prescribing. He said he wanted to see the follicles for himself since I had come in the day prior to get looked at with only the nurse as he was in surgery that afternoon. He was very happy to see the follicles had grown to 20 and 24mm. He said to be respectful of the 24mm follicle I should go ahead and do my trigger shot (ovidrel which makes one ovulate) that evening and arrive early the next morning for an IUI. He stated I might ovulate as early as 12 hours from when I did the trigger shot and he didn’t want us to miss the window of opportunity. 

The IUI came and went. I elected again for the acupuncture during the procedure which took less than 5 minutes. I was instructed to lay still and relax for about 10 minutes following the procedure and then go on my merry way. Immediately after I had no mild cramping as I knew this was due to opening up my cervix. This was new to me and had not occurred last time. I was also continuing to have some abdomen discomfort way more than last time throughout the day but nothing that was too uncomfortable. The following day the discomfort continued throughout the day and then the following day it suddenly had disappeared like magic. I contributed this to ovulation. I must have ovulated somewhere between the time around the IUI and 36 hours later. Now I was onto the two week wait (TWW). Probably some of the longest 14 days of my life and some of the most nerve-wrecking too.

Week one of the TWW was pretty easy. I had a lot going on that week for work and after work so that was great to help keep my mind occupied. The second week was rather busy as well but the last two days were miserable. I constantly was trying to stay in tune with every little thing that occurred in my body. I was also very cautious every time I went to the restroom looking for the potential for Aunt Flo. The last day was absolutely miserable. I can't say I got much done at work that day as my mind was wondering into the what if's and worrying about what reality might actually be.

I knew my husband nor I would be sleeping very well the night before I would actually take a pregnancy test. He had mentioned he would be setting an alarm to wake me up at 3am! I replied please if I'm sleeping do not wake me. I think somewhere around 5:30am we both started to stir. Although, I was so tired I finally got up to take the test.

Pregnancy After Heartbreak

In 2015, my husband and I started our journey to expand our family. Little did we know we would be entering one of the roughest years of our lives thus far. After being married for six months and dating for over 8 we were ready to expand our family and have a child.

At 14 weeks were given some of the most discouraging news. We had a possibility of trisomy 13 in the baby we had just conceived. After much thinking, talking, researching, doctors appointments, and testing we had come to the conclusion that we would make the most heartbreaking decision of our life. At 15 weeks and 6 days we traveled to a neighboring city to terminate the pregnancy of our baby who was diagnosed with trisomy 13.

In order to cope with the emotions and healing I wrote a blog called  http://lifeonerepatatime.blogspot.com/  This blog helped my husband and I be able to heal from the events of our life.

This blog is specifically documenting my emotions, timeline of events, and everything else surrounding being pregnant after terminating my first pregnancy.